Not That I'm Bitter

If you live in the DC area, you know exactly what I'm talking about. For the rest of you, let me explain.

The Metro is the subway system in the DC area. It's part of the one of the best public transportation systems in the country, and it's cleaner than most subways because they actually arrest people who violate their "no eating or drinking" rules. During morning and evening rush hour, it's absolutely packed with people wearing business attire, on their way to and from work.

I personally take the Metro to work every day. I'm usually running late in the mornings, and the Metro itself tends to run late in the mornings, and I have a shuttle to catch once I get off the Metro, so I tend to be in something of a hurry.

This is usually not a big deal, since most other people are in a hurry, too. But there are also people who use the Metro who aren't in a hurry, and who don't know what they're doing. We call these people tourists, and we hate them. (We are not bitter about this).

What's wrong with tourists? You see, being a subway and all, the Metro is mostly underground. Which means to get down there and back up again, you have to take an escalator.

There is a well-established rule that states "Walk on the left, stand on the right." Not in a hurry? Don't feel like walking up or down the stairs? Got luggage? No problem-- stand on the right! Even if the right is already full of people standing there and you have to wait in line, you MUST stand on the right. Hey, Mr. Ignorant Tourist, wanna know why all those people are standing on the right while the left is totally open? Well, let me give you a hint: it's not so that you, personally, can stand there! It's so those of us who actually want to GET somewhere can WALK down the escalator!

To be fair, there are no signs stating this anywhere that I know of. But there's a little thing called being aware of your surroundings-- if everyone in front of you is walking, and the people behind you look pissed because you're not...does it really take a genius? It's one thing to do this at 3:00 on a Saturday. Fine, be a dick then. We expect it. But what the hell are you doing standing on the left side of the only available escalator in the middle of rush hour surrounded by hundreds of people?

Usually, you can push past these people, while loudly and rudely saying "Excuse me!" so that hopefully it occurs to them that they're doing something wrong....especially after the fifth or sixth person does this to them on their way down. But sometimes, there's a whole group of ignorant people (tour busses.....oh god) or maybe just one ignorant person and one nice person behind them who didn't have the guts to push past. I have news for those "nice" people: you are part of the problem, not part of the solution. We, as a society, have a duty to punish people who break the important rules of conduct. The least you can do is tap someone on the shoulder and ask if you can get past. Otherwise, those of us behind you are going to have to push past you, and then the original offender....which is harder and not always worth it. This sometimes leads to a third person standing on the left....and it snowballs from there. Soon, the whole goddamn escalator is filled with standing people, no one can get to work on time, everyone is pissed off, chaos reigns, and the land is filled with evil, all because of one moron!

Not that I'm bitter.

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